The Adventures of AnonyMom

2001-10-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

I am a miserable failure at fasting. Tuesday was OK (and I tried to post then but something was down with this site). Mostly annoying. I was hungry but mostly just fed up with not being able to eat. Had to keep from watching TV because there were too many commercials showing food. I tried doing more prayer and bible reading, which helped, but I was in a pretty icky mood. By Tuesday night, I realized that I could not fast any longer. My breasts had no milk in them overnight and that really made DY upset. Daddy got up with him and gave him a cracker and some water and then got him back to sleep. Thankfully that worked. I didn't sleep well and when I got up in the middle of the night to pee, I was sooooo dizzy. I cried and realized that I really needed food. Not just for me but for DY, too.

Wednesday morning, woke up and ate a scrambled egg. I really didn't want to just totally give up on the fast but I need some nourishment. I decided that I would still not allow myself snacks or anything other than just the little protein I needed to survive on. I had a boiled egg for lunch. For supper, I ate salad and a baked potato. I definitely felt better today. My mood was much better. Spent more time in prayer.

Thursday, the fast was done. By realizing that I had totally flubbed up my committment, I had prayed forgiveness and fasted from my computer time instead. I had more bible reading time than usual but I know I messed stuff up by not fasting the entire time I should have. And I don't think God is necessarily 'mad' at me or whatever for not fasting but I do think I messed up by telling Him I would fast for three days when I didn't know what I was getting into. I definitely messed up.

Today, I think my mood is only OK. We are sooooo out of money. Sigh. It's terribly depressing. We're hanging in there on the promise that God will provide. We are behind on our tithe, for sure, but we did tithe our last paycheck. Daddy is keeping up with the tithes we haven't paid so we will hopefully be able to pay it all one day. But I told Daddy that I did NOT want to skip tithes any more. For any reason. I really wish I had known he was not paying them. I guess that's my fault for not being more involved in our finances.

I'm curious as to whether or not anyone is reading my blog. I know it's not that exciting but....IF anyone is reading this, would you please just write me a 1-second email to let me know?

2001-10-07T14:53:00.000-05:00

We've attacked Afghanistan. For some stupid reason, only the stations not airing NFL football are showing coverage. I have to admit, though, that I haven't totally kept up with the coverage anyway. Trying to get together stuff for tonight's bible study.

I've also been trying to order the surgical masks that Dr. Mercola has suggested as a good tool of protection from germ warfare but I've had trouble AGAIN with the website ordering process. Have sent them an email but will not hear from them until business hours. I'm getting ready to have them, though! I'm really not afraid of dying but I sure would like to stay healthy for the time that I am here on earth. Plus, I really don't want my kids contracting whatever germs those crazy terrorists might send our way.

I read more of the book on fasting last night. I am getting excited about the potential. Very possibly going to fast Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I think it will help remove this awful feeling of being overwhelmed. It will help me turn my focus away from me and my needs towards the power and capabilities of the Lord. I'm ready for that! Praying that Daddy will want to join me in the fast.

2001-10-06T21:18:00.000-05:00

Took the kids to the fair today. Used to be called "State" fair but now it is the "National" fair. Whatever.

I was so proud of SR. She was so chicken to ride much of anything last year but she rode EVERYTHING this year. HA, her little sister, kept saying stuff like, "I'll sit right beside you so you don't need to be scared." They are soooo different from each other! It's lots of fun watching them.

One really cool thing about today: The weather was icky in the morning and ALMOST made us change our plans about the fair. The girls really had their hearts set on going, though so Daddy and the girls got together and prayed for the weather to improve so that we could go. Well, no surprise, the drizzling rain stopped altogether, and the girls noticed that God answered their prayers! God is so good to answer the smallest prayers of some of the smallest people!

Daddy is driving me nuts right now. Fussing about some football game that REALLY doesn't matter. Yeah, our arch rivals MIGHT end up winning, but they're not playing US. And it makes me sick when he talks so bad about a coach or player. Calling them losers and saying they suck. Eww. The 's' word looks icky in type. I don't think I'll use it any more. But, that's what he says. Sounds icky, too. I guess I should be thankful that's the worst of his 'cuss' words.

I bought a book about fasting last night while I was free from the kids and husband for a little while. Went to the Bible bookstore and found this book on the bargain rack. Cost less than 3 bucks. I'm really excited about it because I think it might give some real biblical insight to making some of the decisions that Daddy and I are really struggling with. I know I definitely need help wigth humbling myself before the Lord. I'm praying for the right motive.

Ugh. The 'bad guys' won. "I'm sick of them!" my husband says. Me, too. But it really is NOT a big deal that they won. I guess that's some of the difference between men and women, eh?

Oh, I have to write one more thing. I am such a horrible person. I was supposed to put something in my mailbox YESTERDAY for a friend to pick up early this morning. Did I remember to do it? NO! I totally forgot and she had to ring the doorbell to our house and woke us up! THAT made her feel bad but it really wasn't her fault. Ugh. I make myself sick sometimes.

I can't close this blog with something so negative about myself. I will try to talk myself into feeling better.

Jesus is coming back. This is just a short time here on earth. Think of heavenly things!! Jesus died for me. God LOVES me. I am very blessed! I am forgiven.

2001-10-05T17:29:00.000-05:00

Another test. Trying to figure out this silly site.

2001-10-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

Testing.

2001-10-05T16:56:00.000-05:00

SR was out of school today for Teachers Inservice Day. I did my duty of babysitting swap with my friend Laura even though I really wanted our day of no school to include sleeping late. Oh well.

SCREAMED at SR today for ignoring me and Daddy again. She was too absorbed in the Winnie the Pooh movie we let them watch (because of babysitting day) when her Daddy told her bye and gave her a kiss. Then, as Daddy was leaving, she FREAKED out and starting crying because she thought Daddy didn't tell her bye. Grrrrr. I lost it. I am so tired of her not paying attention to us. She is way too young to be ignoring us. I screamed at her and told her it was HER fault for not paying attention AGAIN and that she would NOT be allowed to run out and chase Daddy to tell him bye.

Boy, did I feel bad afterwards. I hate yelling at her like that. I was reminded of many Proverbs about controlling the tongue and one, I think in.....oh I don't remember.....about controlling my anger. I totally blew it today. Why, oh why, though, does she tune us out? It seems like the ONLY thing she reacts to is SCREAMING. I hate it. Have I caused her to be this way? Do I need to only talk in a whisper to re-train her? (A gentle answer turns away wrath.....I'm definitely tired of the wrath.) What do I do??

Counting down the hours until the time when we take the kids to the church for a few hours. Daddy has choir practice and he signed the kids up for childcare. That means 3.5 hours of freedom for me! I need to buy my Mom's birthday present and I really, really, really need to clean house. Don't know if I'll do that or not.

Still trying to figure out God's will about going to Nashville next month. Is DY ready to be without me for 3 days and 2 nights yet? He'll be 16 months at the time of the trip. He usually does really good without me during the day. It's gonna be the night time thing that I worry about. Gotta keep praying. Sure do wish Daddy would let me know what he REALLY thinks about the idea. I want to know his true feelings....not just what he THINKS I want to hear. He tells me that it doesn't matter to him if I go or not. Is that true? Or does he really wish I would stay home? And to be kind of sensitive about the issue......if he really does NOT care if I go, then why not? Does he want me gone for 3 days? We're definitely not in the honeymoon stage of our marriage right now but it sure would be nice if he said he'd like me to stay.

I like the total freedom I have with this blog. I might be the ONLY person to ever read these words but it's nice being able to get them out anyway. I'll be curious to see if anyone else reads them. But I LOVE that no one I know is going to find them......at least I doubt they will! Wouldn't that be wild if someone I knew came across my blog??? Nah....that'll never happen!

2001-10-04T15:48:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to create an anonymous journal or blog for quite some time. I have an online journal that I have shared with many friends and family members and catch myself having to restrain what I want to say on there because of the eyes that will be viewing it. So now, I have something all my own to record the happenings and gripes and celebrations of the day without worrying about hurting anyone's feelings or letting any cats out of any bags. Yippee!